9 Years

I’ll preface this blog with admitting I’m not a relationship expert. I’ve done a lot of yoga, meditation, and self work. And the results have been just that, “self” progress. I can go off on a silent retreat no problem. Sit with my thoughts and feelings, easy. But sit with what comes up when I’m mid argument with my partner, now that’s a real challenge.

I’ve been in a relationship for 9 years and while it seems like a lot, time is a current reality. And at this moment, life is full. Navigating this stage of adulthood is tricky to say the least. I am now responsible for another human life besides my own. And the stress that comes from being a parent is real. What I’ve gained from the past decade of self study is more awareness.

Mindfulness is my current form of self work. Some moments are easier than others. When I do the actions that allow me to feel more clear and stable, I’m more equipped to be mindful and present. There is more space to respond with love. However, not all actions produce optimal conditions for my mental state. And in the situations where my mind is loud, body achy, and overall mood is low, I absolutely react quicker than I’d like to and with an attitude that’s not representative of who I want to be.

And you know who’s going to be the first to reflect this shortcoming back to me. You guessed it…my life partner. Who gets the closest view of who I am behind closed doors. And who shows me all my stuff, the ugly inside yuck I want to disappear. But it’s all part of the blueprint that is me. Intricate, evolving, pure.

I don’t know how our story will go. But I do know right now I’m grateful to have a partner who pushes me to evolve beyond the past versions of me. Who believes in my best, even when they’ve seen my worst. Who forgives and forgets quickly. And who gives me the space to explore all the edges of who I am and who I want to become.